Last month I shared a letter to you precious mamas of only little ones. This month I have another group of mamas on my heart. Now, let me say this from the get-go: this is NOT me giving you advice. This post comes straight from a mama right in the thick of life with two tween/teen girls. My girls are 13 years old and 12 years old. The last few years have been quite the roller coaster with them, and if I’m honest, they are a roller coaster for the mama, too, it’s not all their fault! {grin}
I used to cry from exhaustion when I had 3 babies in 3 years. These days, I’m crying from well, all the crying. All the emotions. All the ups and downs. All the heartache over ummm, missing white tank tops and leggings that don’t match.
So, while my letter to mamas of only littles came from a heart of empathy because I remember those years oh, so vividly…this post comes from one in the trenches, I’m right here with you and I feel your pain. And theirs.
Dear mama of tween girls,
Just like having 3 babies in 3 years is hard, it’s ok to acknowledge that having tween girls is hard, too. Every parenting stage has its ups and downs. There are such fun things about having your children grow in their independence. There is such a relief when you can leave the house without a diaper bag. There is also sleep deprivation that comes when your kids are older that moms of little ones haven’t experienced just yet. To everything there is a season…
With that being said, I want to encourage you with a few little reminders that I need just as much as the next mama of tween girls. I’m preaching to the choir here, in fact, I may just print out this post and carry it in my pocket with me all day.
Emotions are not the enemy. Oh how many times I have MADE them the enemy, and for that, I have had to apologize and apologize for, time and time again. It’s funny, you see, because I am a very emotional person myself. Highly sensitive and super emotional you might even say. And just like I’m having to accept who God made me to be, even as an adult, I need to be accepting of who God made my tween girls to be. They are in a stage of life where their emotions are on fire so to speak. Everything is magnified. They need our guidance and our grace to grow into all these feelings, to know how to handle the anger, to know how to answer with grace. So, when I treat their emotions like the enemy, in essence, I am treating them like the enemy. And I never want to do that.
Let them be little girls and grown ups all at the same time. My girls still like to color. I love that. But they are also asking about make up and I’m having to shop in new places in clothing stores. This is a tight rope balancing act that I haven’t quite perfected. And, I’m ok with that. What this means is, I’m taking it a day at a time. I’m learning to love explaining to them about lip gloss and not-too-much-eye-shadow. I’m also bursting on the inside when I see them pull out the markers and color a picture. What a tender age. Don’t rush them. Let them be right where God wants them to be.
Grin and bear it. Literally. Sometimes when I want to scream and/or slam the door myself {ahem} I am trying to train myself to smile instead. Seriously. Hardest.thing.ever. But I think it’s the right thing. Sometimes they need a smile or hug from me instead of me telling them how silly their crazy emotions are.
Be mindful of their love language. Tweens and teens still need our affection, our quality time, our words of affirmation, our acts of service and our small tokens/gifts of appreciation and love. Hugs are not quite as easy to come by, but I’m not giving up! Sometimes I just go out of my way to rub their back, pat their shoulder, give them a side hug. I have one child who gives great hugs for a tween and the other who has started backing a way a bit. It makes me sad, but it also issues me a challenge to be intentional and proactive about LOOKING for opportunities to show her love in other ways. This child also does not have affection as her primary love language…so I need to be thinking, what other ways can I show her love? What does she really want? She would prefer a little love note on her pillow or to bake with me in the kitchen.
Stay prayerful. This one should probably go without saying, but I’m throwing it out there because sometimes, in my frustration, I forget to let prayer be my FIRST line of attack and not my last. So often I’m just desperate for God to give me wisdom with my girls, and instead of going to Him about it, I dwell on how bad the situation is or what a terrible mama I must be. In the book of James we are told to go to God for His wisdom! During this stage of parenting, we need Him more than ever!
Stay close to Him, precious mamas. Don’t quit asking for wisdom, humbling yourself and lifting up your children to the Father. He makes all things new, He grants strength in our weakness and He gives us brand new mercies every morning.
